Whatever I am writing here is crowd-sourced thoughts of my various conversations with my friends and parents and some of my own thoughts on why our parents want to get us married badly?
Every time someone asked this question to their parent they would patiently tell the following with an example on each.
- You have grown up. It’s ‘TIME’ for you to get married or else you may end up being single. Sharma ji’s son/daughter struggled because he/she didn’t get married on time and then they had to compromise on the partner later.
- You have completed your degree and now you have a very good job, what else do you want in life? but before going anywhere away from home you must get married, the world is too bad for singles you even don’t get a good house for bachelors *wink*
- Look at your cousin he/she got married at your age, he/she is happily married with kids. it’s high time you get married because everyone else in my social circle is doing it and I don’t want to stay behind.
- Relatives are asking whether you have an affair or something. why are you not saying yes then? In our family, no one has gone for a love marriage what I will tell everyone. Sharma ji’s son did a love marriage and see they fight every day. I don’t want that in my house.
Most of the Indian parents force their children into marriage in fear of society/relatives “Log qa Kahenge”. They believe that marriage is somewhat an end of their responsibility as a parent and then they can do whatever they want. Our parents belong to the generation when it was normal and its still part of the culture we live in. Because still, society keeps questioning and troubling if the children are not married at a suitable age, they care for you and worry about you and think that you may not get the best match later. They take it as their responsibility and they want to fulfill it to keep up the status in society.
Another reason, this is exactly what happened with them when they were young and they are groomed in a certain way. For parents, watching their children grow up, graduate, get a job, get married as early as possible, get a grandchild (you will not be able to conceive if you pass a certain age logic) then matters the most. Also, that boys and girls who cross a certain age find it difficult to get a good match adds to their worry and haste! In short, parents want their children to “settle down” soon!
But, times have changed it’s not an era where people were happy with a bank or a government job. Now, people want to do much more and they need time for that (It takes years for an overnight success, bill gates didn’t become bill gates in one night). One of the reason for that you still have to go through a stupid school and graduation system and that waste a lot of time. Hence you need some more time to do what you want and be someone. So, delay in everything else is bound to happen which adds to the problems which all the current generation goes through.
Yes, there is a generation gap. Even you know all the above point. If you are being forced into marriage means you are old enough to understand things. You can say no which may create problems in short-term but will make you happier in long-term.
When you look back you won’t regret anything.