Today morning it suddenly struck me as I was looking back at how things have unfolded in last 5 years. I realized that I lost few friendship in my journey till today but what I regret is that one friendship which I lost to ego, miss-communication, and lack of communication. This just got me thinking about what I have been doing and what is there to learn from it.
What is friendship?
I don’t know what to write here and how to write these thoughts. I don’t have an answer to the question. Though I am a social person and talk to a lot of people, in reality, I don’t have many friends, not in the way that matters. On Facebook, I have some 3000 “friends”. But I am not sure how many of these would go out of their way to help me when I need them? How many of them would put themselves in harm’s way, if I were in danger? and answer to all these questions is ‘maybe’ few of them. Some of them may out of obligation but those also ‘maybe’. On the other hand, for how many of those I would do the same and the answer is still ‘maybe’ in single digit.
I write these things now because today I realized what I have lost during my journey, and I am sad. This loss is not in a dramatic sense, like a great fight or an unforgivable betrayal. This is just the normal patterns of life that bring two people together for a season before the road forks and we wander off. The irony is that he didn’t even try, I think, that we were great friends. That does not make this story less sad – but more so.
It was that one incident that changed everything that had to follow or I thought that would follow.
I chose to behave in a certain way, with the full knowledge that when I would, it would come at a great cost and would take me far away. I understood that it would demand everything. But still I chose so to bring good out of him but life had other plans. Then at a point, I let go off and chose a side which was not his. It seemed worth it. Seemed something I could bear; at least when the decision was made. But that was a long time ago.
Back to my story; today I feel sad that I lost someone’s friendship which was very dear to me. I didn’t even say goodbye; he knows that the friendship is lost, for he did not understand what it was in the first place. This is no fault of his – life’s paths are unpredictable and we all have our own story; our own purpose; our own demons. I wish him well – I mourn a little for a great friendship that’s once was and I moved on down the darkening path in search of my next great friendship; which also might never be. Societies make you do a lot of things which you don’t want to.
Hope you are reading this. I just want to say I am still here and will always be there 🙂